The journey continues

To all our friends and blog followers,
Please find our new blog at davebrownsfamily.blogspot.com
The writing is not very regular but it will keep you and us in touch.
God Bless you.
Liette

Acomplishments

We are plodding along without Dave ,husband and father. Some days we feel more his absence.
I read in a book on grief that we mustn't run away from that pain when it comes but move toward it to do the grief work and heal.So I write things in my journal and talk and pray ,and cry and laugh too.I also started work again, part time. The tiredness is therefore more often present.On some occasions at devotion time with Jeremy and Julie ,I try to talk about David and what grief is

On our own we have managed to :
-Make pizza
-Barbecue
-repair the hose
-clean a drain
-remember to clean the furnace filters.
Maybe it was "Beginner's grace" because the next time the pizza was a bit burnt, a bread didn't rise,I had to call a plumber to fix a leak in one sink and a clog in another,and I don't think I will tackle the hole to fill in the driveway even if I bought the stuff.People from the church have offered to help but I first got to find a place for my Dad's car witch is resting over the hole with a dead battery...

Soon We will tackle getting a family blog started. I think we will call it davebrownsfamilysjourney.blogspot.com .It might be bilingual or alternate languages.We shall see.

When I turn off the computer I see Dave's picture on my desktop. I say goodnight to him,and "yes I know it is late to go to bed at this hour", I stroke his 2 dimensional beard and blow him a kiss.

Liette

Inheritance

From Liette
Yesterday as Mom and Dad Brown were here for thanksgiving weekend,we went to hear Jeremy and Julie's participation in the musical worship team at their youth meeting at church. They did very well ,Julie at piano and Jeremy at guitar.

I thought to myself "what a precious inheritance David has left us: Music as well as Love and Worship for our Holy God (and lots of other good thing too)"

Aftermath

It has been a month since David's funeral.Things went smoothly thanks to the many people who helped. Our Ontario relatives went back home.School started for Jeremy and Julie.They are both in high school now.That seems to go well too.
Between times of PAAAPERWORK ,phone work, housework,errands,driving kids,I take time to see some friends and family and for walks, quiet listening and reflecting moments.I will be back at regular doctoring work part time in October (that's in 2 weeks!).
We have our "moments" but at other times it even seems abnormal that things should be so normal in our daily living as if Dave was just on a trip.
We were deeply touched that so many of you came to remember Dave at the church services in Montreal or Toronto.I am sorry we couldn't greet everyone especialy in Montreal but we were already late for the cemetery.Thank you also for all the sympathies many expressed in flowers,cards, emails and visits that encouraged us and showed your care for Dave and our family.
I was slow in writing.I thought I would wait until I got a new blog for the family but I haven't gotten that far yet.I will write some other time about what things we did manage to master.
I know that during grief, one can do "unusual "things.If some of you see one of us too "weird",please see us gently back to God's peace that surpasses all understanding.
For now I only changed the color of my hair to natural gray.It is less trouble but it may also be an external sign that something important changed recently,that someone intimately linked to my physical being has gone and that I am not the same for it.
I do agree at this time in our circumstances that "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".
I thank God for the grace of those wonderful 16 years we had together,and depend on His Grace for our future.
Liette

Goodbye

The accordion will remain silent.
David passed away on Sunday the 23rd of August at 11pm.
He went peacefully after having seen all the family that could come.
He kept a loving,kind and gentle spirit.
It is hard to think of not seeing,hearing or touching him again.
As he said "life is short"
Many people have been helpful and supportive.Thank you so much from Jeremy,Julie,myself and all his family.

Visitations will be held on Thursday August 27 from 2 to 5pm and 7 to 10pm,and Friday August 28 as of 9am at
La Maison Darche
Réseau Dignité
7679 boul. Tachereau
Brossard Qc.
www.dignitequebec.com

The funeral service will be held on Friday August 28 at 11am at
l'Eglise Evangelique du Semeur
2000 chemin Saint- Jean
Laprairie
followed by the burial at Notre-Dame des Neiges cemetery.

The blog might continue for a while. Keep checking.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles...
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over in to our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows! 2 Cor 1: 3 - 5

Liette

running out of time

David is not doing well.He has fluctuations in being sleepy,tired and being more awake.The doctor doesn't give him much time... He has fought well.He is going soon but he is going HOME to his father's house,his creator,his savior where there will be no more sorrow or tears or death but a lot of love and music and creativity and I wonder what kind of computer!

Eyes on Jesus

These days,Dave is rather slowed down and sleepy.He is still under the orthopedist care but an oncologist an a pain specialist consult and try to adjust for the best treatment.
He still is not moving much and his left arm seems weaker too.
When we prayed today one of the things he said is" Lord I love you. You are great. Thank you for your compassion.Thank you for those who pray and help me. Bless them."
That made me think of the words of the song "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace"

Back in a regular room

Dave was transfered to an orthopedic floor today for post-op.More tubes off.No air conditoning but we can bring table fans if we clean them regularly,and we do.We also bring fresh fruit witch are not often on the menu, and sometimes other treats...to enjoy.

Now talking

David is recuperating well from the operation.He was glad to have the intubation tube and the naso-gastric tube taken off.He expected to have a sore throat and hoarse voice for a while but it was OK by noon time.He ate and was reading and played twenty questions with Julie and me tonight.He will stay in the intensive care at least till tomorrow.Blood ,platelets etc..to be checked.
There are special beds in the IT unit and Dave really likes them.They nickname them" the transformers."The bed can become a chair and the mattress inflates and deflates in different places at different times so that the pressure on the body is not always in the same areas. How cool is that?

Post- op

David had his operation this afternoon.I did not see the surgeon to have all the details.
Around 7pm.,Dave was out of the operating area to intensive care for close monitoring (The surgeon had mentioned that probability).When I was able to see him, he was conscious , still intubated but breathing on his own. He could hear me and was trying to communicate.We finally had him write things on paper or white board and it all made sense . He even wrote me to" go to sleep".So I will do as I am told...
Liette

Tomorrow?

The results of some tests are in(good enough). Some platelets transfusions given.If they are high enough tomorrow,Dave should have surgery in the afternoon, positive note.He is weak though and has some pain in a new area.
Liette.

Delay

This morning Dave's platelets count was too low to do the operation for risk of bleeding.A test result still to come would point to the cause and best treatment. Maybe tomorrow ... So we wait. New things pop up. The unknown.
We have two plaques in our house, they help to keep our focus, one given at our wedding:"The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you" ,The second painted by Julie at a camp one or two years ago:"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" 1 Peter5:7

Another "Wave"

After 1) another MRI.
2)no improvement with radiotherapy, even some worsening
3)some more answers to our questions with various doctors
4)more prayers,
it was decided that David will be operated on tuesday august the 11th, to try to reverse the compression on the spinal cord at the level of the 4th dorsal vertebrae.
While we didn't know if the surgery would be today,our brother in law Jacques graciously drove Jeremy to his one week teen camp in the state of New-York,and Julie stayed with friends.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Thanks to so many who send us words of encouragements. It is greatly appreciated.Please understand if we don't reply to you individually.

To operate or not

Liette and I saw the spinal surgeon today.
After spending a while looking at the images of my spine,he surprised us by proposing to operate tomorrow.
Basically he had in mind a more straight-forward approach than before. While still a serious operation, it would be standard stuff for him.
The question for us is whether to simply rely on the radiotherapy treatments or not. If we just wait, will things turn out in time to reverse/stop the damage to the spinal cord?Should we have the operation right away and not take any chances even if it is more procedures?
We decided on a middle course: the surgeon will order another MRI to see if there are any sign that the compression is reducing.Then we'll make a decision about operating next week (unless there is a deterioration). This also gives Liette and I a chance to think and pray about it before giving an answer.

Charles Lemoyne Hospital

We often hear of problems with the health system but I have nothing but praise for the hospital where I am being treated.

I am amazed at the number and variety of professions involved in my case: oncologist, orthopedist, radiologist, physio-therapist, ergotherapist, technicians of various kinds, nurses and orderlies, not to mention all the support services. Everyone is friendly and helpful and everything is oriented towards the health and comfort of the patient.

I am really thankful for the quality of care I'm getting here. I'm even beginning to enjoy the food!

The photo at the top is by my son Jeremy. It shows the rays of hope shining out from the hospital. The crane on the right is for the construction of the new Monteregie Integrated Cancer Centre.(Liette calls the photo "The Glory and the Cross").

He showed how He loves me

This is a follow-up to yesterday's entry,"Show my enemies how You love me" so if you haven't done so already, read it first.
I don't want to forget that God's ultimate expression of love for me and for the whole world was his amazing victory over Death and Evil on the cross.
"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NIV)

Show my ennemies how you love me

From Dave in the hospital.

The radiation therapy that I'm taking now is to deal with a lesion in my vertebrae which is pressing on my spinal cord.This is causing loss of feeling in my lower body and loss of force in my legs.If the pressure can be removed soon enough,the nerves can recover.After that, the paralysis becomes permanent.
This morning I was sent for a consultation in orthopedics to see if we should consider spinal surgery.(I was supposed to have the consultation yesterday but the spinal surgeon was called away while I was there waiting.)
The surgeon who looked at my case this morning wasn't sure what to do. He explained that he wasn't a spinal surgeon and that there wouldn't be one at the hospital for the next eight days. He might have to send me to another hospital for a consultation.
When I heard that,I really needed to pray, but I wasn't sure how to get started. Unable to think of anything else, I started reciting the 23rd Psalm.The following verse caught my attention:

"You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil
My cup overflows" ( Ps 23:5 NIV)

Who are my enemies here?
Figuratively speaking,Death and Disease. I remembered also that anointing someone's head was a sing of honor. My heart began to pray "Lord show my enemies how you love me"
As I prayed in my distress, who should come into the room but the spinal surgeon I missed yesterday! As I continued to pray he discussed the case with his colleague and gradually things became clear to them.

The operation, if it ever takes place, is an extremely difficult one, Therefore, we will give the radiation time to act. The surgeon has a next Thursday clinic, two days after my last radiation treatment. He'll evaluate me then. If my lower body condition seems to be stable or improving, we'll wait.If things are deteriorating, we'll have the possibility of operating rapidly should we decide to.

Please, my friends, join me in praying that it doesn't come to that.Pray for sings of improvement in the next few days. Finally,Thank the Lord for giving me the prayer I needed at just that moment,and then supplying answer as I prayed.

A trip cut short

Our family went to Elim lodge after the OK from Doctors.We enjoyed two days with the Brown relatives from Ontario.We were glad to have made it,but new symptoms of pain and changed sensation in Dave's lower body forced us to come back.We were transfered on tuesday the 28th of July from the Peterborough hospital to our CharlesLemoyne hospital on the south shore because they could not do tests and treatments in a timely fashion there.Later on Dave's legs became too weak to support him.
Yesterday,the MRI of the spine showed as expected compression of the spinal cord at the mid back level(T4), and he had the first of 5 radiotherapy treatments to that site.
We pray and hope
Our car and children stayed behind with our relatives who will take care of them till the end of the vacation week and bring them back.
In the midst of our troubles we came across the following verse, chosen for us by a friend:"Call upon me in the day of trouble (in french-distress);I will deliver you, and you will honor (in french-glorify) me "
This verse has really encouraged us to look for God's deliverance in this time of distress.
Liette

Vacation!

My family usually gets together for a week's vacation each summer, renting cottage or motel units at Elim Lodge in the Kawartha Lakes region of Ontario.

Last year I couldn't go because I had immunotherapy treatments at the hospital. Liette stayed with me, and we sent the children by train to Kingston, where my brother picked them up.

Three weeks ago, when it came time to pay the balance for this year, I was still in the hospital. We decided to cancel, since it didn't seem likely that I could make the trip.

However, with the radiation therapy last week, I began to feel better. I'm still not very mobile; I need a wheelchair, crutches or walker to get around, but I have a lot less pain. Apparently it can take up to six weeks to reach the full effect of the radiation therapy, so I can look forward to futher improvements.

As I began to feel better, we starting thinking about our trip again. The doctors even encouraged me to go. We called and found out that our unit was still available. Not only that, but they will supply the wheelchair for me and leave it in the unit! Little by little the other pieces of the puzzle fell into place, with the result that we are leaving this afternoon! We'll break up the drive by stopping overnight in Kingston.

We are all thrilled by this, and are looking forward to a great week (even if the forecast calls for rain for the next 6 days).

For Better Or For Worse

Friday was our 16th wedding anniversary.

In the morning, Liette took me to my appointment with the oncologist. We got the results from my latest blood test, which were encouraging - everything was in the normal range, although some of the values were just on the edge. This is a long way from being cured, but at least it's good news.

In the afternoon we went for my second last radiation therapy session. The therapy is helping - I have less pain and more mobility, but I still have a long way to go before I can even walk unaided.

After that we went on a few errands with Jeremy: taking the lawn mower to be fixed (we needed him to lift it in and out of the car) and buying barbecue accessories (he has a proprietary interest, since he and my niece assembled the new barbecue).

We ended up near one of our favourite "date" restaurants, so we brought him along for our anniversary supper!

Liette is a real blessing to me in this difficult time, with her faithful love and practical help.