Where's The Urgency?

It's funny how we humans are. I was looking over my first posts to this blog and I was impressed by the sense of urgency I felt when I first got the news that my cancer had come back.

Now - when radiotherapy has temporarily curbed the symptoms, when friends have encouraged me to believe God will heal me, when my oncologist has explained her treatment plan - the situation doesn't grip me like before.

All the same, the problem is there. The cancer isn't cured, and the survival rate for this kind of cancer hasn't changed. I need a miracle as much as ever - I just don't feel it like I did.

Thanks to all those who have been faithfully praying for me, even when my own prayers have been lukewarm.

I Will Delight In Thee

Still reading my way through the Salvation Army Songbook, I came to "I know Thee who Thou art", by General Albert Orsborne. Although the language seems archaic now, the poetry is still so moving: beautiful and profound. This verse stuck with me:

Beside thee as I walk,
I will delight in thee
In sweet communion talk
Of all thou art to me;
The beauty of thy face behold
And know thy mercies manifold.

Imagine the spiritual depth that allowed him to write that! Although my experience with cancer is bringing me closer to God, I'm nowhere near that level; I don't even think I aspire to it.

Another thing for me to think about...

Another Small Step

I saw the oncologist yesterday. Guess what? I need another test, a CAT scan. Depending on the results, the next step will either be chemotherapy if the scan shows no new tumors or immunotherapy if it does.

For the chemotherapy, the drug would be Temodal, which is effective for a certain proportion of melanoma patients. The drug is given orally for 5 days out of every 28, and the side-effects are relatively minor. It would take about three months to tell if it was working.

For immunotherapy with Interleukin, I would need to be accepted for a research protocol, for example at the Montreal Jewish hospital. It would also depend on the availability of beds; I would need to be hospitalized for about one week out of every four while I received the treatment.

I should have my test in a week or two. Stay tuned for more developments.

Out of the Doghouse

No more sleeping on the sofa!

Since mid-January, I've been spending at least half of each night sleeping on the sofa in order to ease the pain. Thanks to the radiotherapy, I have a lot less pain on my right side. This means I am now able to sleep in more than one position and can spend the whole night in our bed. What a relief!

I am gradually cutting back on the pain relievers. Soon I'll be able to drive again, too, since I won't have to worry about grogginess or inattention!

But Will I Glow in the Dark?

I finished my radio-therapy today. It went well. I seem to have a bit less pain; apparently it can take up to two weeks for the full effects to be felt.

The radio-oncologist was satisfied. His goals were to reduce the pain, slow down or stop the growth of the tumour and prevent compression of the spinal cord. He feels confident that the treatment will achieve those goals.

Now on to the next step!

My Gang

I went to the office today - they had arranged a pizza lunch as a fun way for me to get together with my colleagues and give them my latest news.

We had a good time together. They are really a great bunch of people. No office politics, no one-upmanship, no troublemakers, gossipers or complainers. Just a team of competent people who enjoy their work and who enjoy working together.

They really gave me a lot of support and encouragement. I can't wait to return!

Fresh Courage

This morning I read the following by William Cowper

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Quite an encouragement from a man who battled depression throughout his life.

My Spider Sense is Tingling

I had my first radiation treatment yesterday. It actually doesn't take too long: 5 minutes to position me on the table and another 5 minutes for the radiation itself. Actually, it does tingle when it starts.

I didn't have much in the way of side effects: mild fatigue and nausea in the evening, lasting about an hour. I actually felt better during the night, with hardly any pain. That can't be due to the radiation, though; it's too soon for it to have taken effect.

Four more to go!

About Radiotherapy

I've been reading up a bit about radiotherapy, since I'm scheduled to start it on Thursday. It uses several beams coming from different directions that intersect at the tumour. In this way the tumour receives a higher dose than the healthy tissue surrounding it.

The treatment is spread out over five sessions to allow normal cells time to recover. Cancer cells are not as good at repairing the damage, causing them to die or to reproduce more slowly.

Because the beams have to be precisely positioned during each treatment session, I went in last Thursday for a positioning scan. They made a personalized mold to hold my legs and feet and also tattooed four dots on my chest to use as reference points each time.

So now I have my first tattoos, and not just one, but four. Won't my biker friends be impressed! I just hope my mother doesn't find out.